Today I sat in front of the Eiffel Tower and I was overwhelmed with so much emotion. When I got back to my room I cried, Ok let me be honest, I wept.
Let’s flashback to around March 2017. I saved up quite a bit of money and I wanted to plan something special. I called a travel agent and booked a dream trip to Paris for that upcoming Christmas for my family of three. I even added in tickets to Paris Disney because my son was obsessed with Mickey Mouse at that age. For the next few months I planned it all out with matching outfits to boot (because you know that was a must, right? 🤣) and I literally counted the days. I have been many places in Europe but never Paris. It’s been at the top of my travel bucket list for many years so the thought of taking my little family warmed my soul.
Flash forward just a few short months to September and I’m alone, sitting on my living room floor looking at a pile of bills and wondering how I was going to make ends meet for the next few months. I knew that if I could just make it to Cade’s due date that I could get back to work soon after. I just didn’t know if I could. It’s way easier to just get by when it was only me but I was pregnant with my daughter and my son was 1. I needed a plan. I didn’t have much money left but I knew I had money tied up in this trip. I called the travel agent and told her my situation and they denied my request for a refund 3 times before they eventually approved it. I lost a bit of the money but what was left paid our bills for several months and took me past the time I anticipated. I was relieved but I was deeply saddened by it. I remember going to the mailbox, opening the envelope, and seeing the check for the first time. I called my brother Mark and I cried hard. Like that “why is this happening to me, I don’t deserve this, life isn’t fair” kinda cry. My brother spoke to my soul that day and reminded me of who I was. I swallowed that disappointment, added Paris back to my list, put my big girl panties on, and did what I needed to do to get back on my feet.
So today was a full circle moment. Life is far from perfect but it’s damn good and it’s finally coming back around for me. It was a reminder that life always turns around and it always gets better. For much of my life I short-cutted the process of the full circle. Instead of taking the long, painful journey of healing I would shortcut to coping mechanisms. Shortcut to a relationship, shortcut to a few drinks, anything to skip the process and get out of the pain. This time I took no shortcuts, I sat in my process, I did the work to truly heal.
I usually don’t like to reflect on low valley moments but I allowed myself to do that today so I can truly appreciate this mountain top experience. It’s a true testament to the fact that if we allow God to work and resist the urge to shortcut the process, he truly makes all things new and he works it all out for our good. For anyone who is still in the valley portion of the process – Keep pushing! I promise you trouble don’t last always ❤️